Recently I was working with a speaking coach for an upcoming presentation, and we were talking about how I define success. Of course, the entrepreneur in me automatically came out and the first thing that popped into my mind was how much money I made, how many deals I do, and what shiny “things” I have in my life. Then the “new” me overrode those thoughts and pushed them back into my subconscious. But how I define success now wasn’t clear, it was back there in my mind somewhere, but it just wasn’t clear.
Having been raised to be a hard worker, coupled with my entrepreneurial spirit, has always put my emphasis on “doing whatever it takes” to be successful. Thankfully, Susan, the most patient wife in the world, has put up with that attitude, with limits of course. My kids didn’t know any better, the fact that I worked a lot was just part of their lives. My friends also only knew that that was just who I was to them as well. And that is the sad truth, that’s just who I was.
Then a tragedy that happened to one of my closest friends made me realize that I was an idiot. I already had more than enough in my life. I didn’t need to keep chasing more, more , more. So, I changed my life, I purposely slowed my life down and consciously tried to be present with my family and friends. I also did something that I hadn’t done in years, I started doing more of the things that I love to do. I took the family on a real vacation for the first time in a decade, I bought an RV and put it next to a lake an hour from my house, and I went fishing more that year than in the past 10 years combined. But the most important part to me was making the effort to be present in all things that I did.
The result of this change was amazing, not only was I enjoying life, but the fact that I was more present with my clients attracted more business. The struggle was managing the additional business and those values that I now had as a priority. So, I set boundaries that I never would have done in the past. I actually set business days and hours, rather than being available 24/7, I now only work 5 days a week and my phone is off at 7 pm every evening. If I’m with family, friends, clients, or fishing, I don’t rush to pick up my phone when it rings, it can wait until I can be more present with whoever is calling.
It’s funny, I’ve told some of my friends and clients that this is how I changed my life, and they gasp! You see, we have programmed our thinking, especially in this industry, to be available to our clients whenever they need us. We have set that standard and now our clients feel as if it’s ok to text us at 10 pm to ask a question about a property that they saw online. In reality, that is unacceptable, but it’s our own fault. We need to establish boundaries and make what is important to us the priority. Business can be done during your business hours, whatever those may be. It’s your business and your life, you decide what schedule works for you but establish those guidelines.
In the next session with my coach, I answered her question about what success was in my mind, and I thanked her for making it clear that success to me is 3 things: my family, my friends, and me. Am I the husband, father, brother, and son that I want to be? Am I the friend that my friends deserve and am I living the life that I want to live?
Am I perfect at this? Hell no, I still have my moments, but I’m working at it daily and I now understand that I already have more than enough in my life. It’s ok to step off of that hamster wheel of more, more, more, and that doesn’t mean that you have to settle. You can be the person you want to be AND still go after your dreams; you will just enjoy the ride much more!