As I’ve mentioned before, my Daughter Sierra has her degree in psychology and an MS in higher education, (I always take the opportunity to brag!). As she was studying, I learned that there are a vast number of specialties within the psych degree, and hers was more focused on the mind and how it works vs counseling or other aspects. I’ve always found the mind to be very interesting, and as mental illness becomes less of a taboo to talk about and recognize, we are now learning how much our minds have in common. One of those aspects is negative thoughts.
My mind has always leaned toward negativity, and frankly, it runs rampant on one side of my family. There are always the “yeah buts”, “ what ifs” and “be careful of” sentence starters that are instant negatives. I still find myself doing that with my kids and we rationalize it as being protective when actually the opposite is happening. We are holding back those that we love by using these negative sentence starters and negativity in general.
When Sierra began studying positive thoughts and how they can affect so many aspects of a person’s life, I became intrigued and wanted more information. I thought negativity was just in some people, like my family, and not in others. I thought some people were just born with a positive outlook on life. Then it hit me, the AHA! MOMENT, EVERYBODY HAS NEGATIVE THOUGHTS, EVEN THOSE THAT SEEM TO ALWAYS BE HAPPY AND HAVE NO NEGATIVITY! That’s right, everyone has negative thoughts! The difference is that some recognize those negative thoughts and are able to counter them with positive thoughts, gratefulness, and happiness. They’ve learned how to overcome that negativity!
Here I was going through life thinking that those negative thoughts I had were just the way life would be for me, it’s just who I was. I remember when I was just 18 and working in a fast-food place in Pocatello, Idaho. The owner of the restaurant told me that I was a great worker, but my negative attitude would hold me back. Of course, my response was something that started with “Yeah but”, which just reinforced his theory. The fact that that statement from him, nearly 40 years ago, is still in my mind proves to me that deep down I knew it was a problem. But I didn’t know how to fix that problem, so life went on with the negativity. I battled it for years, not knowing that I could change it.
Now, I’m not saying that it’s easy to fight off those negative thoughts, it takes work, consistency, and persistence, the same as with anything that you’re very good at. Some days you just want to give in and say, “yep, the whole world sucks and I just want to stay in bed today.” That’s one choice, the other choice is to fight through those thoughts, look for the positivity in your life, and the world, and be thankful for what you have. I’m sure there are people in your life that you look at and say, “that person really has their shit together, they’re always smiling, happy, and getting ahead, they’re so lucky.” They’re not lucky, they work at it. They have those same negative thoughts as you, but they worked hard to overcome them.
In my 1:1 coaching programs, I have a Mindset Module that all of my clients start with. I start with this module for a reason; there is no use continuing coaching if you are not going to accept that the proper mindset is vital in all aspects of your life and business. If you believe that you are not one of the “lucky” ones who get all the breaks in life and business, then you will be that person. If you believe that you can change and make your life and business the way you dreamed of when you started your business, then you will be that person. That’s the first step.
The next time you have those negative thoughts, stop what you are doing and take a few seconds to counter them with positivity, hope, and most of all gratitude for what you have now. One saying that I use regularly is “Remember when you dreamed of having what you have now?” This is a quick way to remind yourself how lucky you are. Also, when you start a sentence with “yeah but, or “what if” stop yourself and think about what you were just going to say, is it helpful? If not, change it to a positive. I know, easy for me to say, I’m just one of those “lucky ones” who always has a positive outlook! Ha….
Thank you for your time,
Brad